That's it!
by Nemainofthewater
Summary: Damon's had enough. He just hopes he gets out before he starts to sparkle... Hopefully funny scenes from season 2.
1. Chapter 1

Title: That's It !

Author: Nemainofthewater

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. It all belongs to the CW network.

Warnings: Spoilers for episode 3 season 2.

"You mean, werewolves?" Elena asked Alaric, leaning in slightly to hear him better.

"That's it!" said Damon. "This place is becoming Twilight! Werewolves and vampires! Next thing you know, I'll swear off human blood, or Elena'll start angsting over having to chose between you or Tyler! I'm out of here before the madness affects me, and I start _sparkling._" Damon hissed the last word as if it was poison, and stomped out the house. There was an awkward silence until…

"What's Twilight?" asked Stefan.


	2. Chapter 2

Title : That's It !

Author : Nemainofthewater

Disclaimer : I don't own anything you recognise. It all belongs to the CW Network.

Well, here's a scene from episode 1 of season 2. I was rewatching some episodes with a friend of mine, and this popped into my brain.

"Oh Damon," said Katherine, "I know the question and the answer. But you don't want to hear it."

"Please." said Damon breathlessly, wanting to get back to, ahem, business, but also wanting to hear the truth from Katherine for once.

"Damon, I was never you. I'm a lesbian, and I actually came back here to seduce Bonnie who's a doppelganger of Emily. Didn't you notice that I was around Emily most of the time?"

Damon stood there, everything forgotten as his mouth hung open.

"We couldn't publicize anything of course; the 19th century was so backwards. So I used you and Stefan to hide my tracks!"

"That's it!" said Damon, "I am out of here before I start to get an urge to kiss Stefan! "


	3. Chapter 3

Title : That's It !

Author : Nemainofthewater

Disclaimer : I don't own anything you recognise. It all belongs to the CW Network.

Next scene from episode 13 season 2.

Damon wandered over to where Jonathon Gilbert stood, practically radiating smugness.

"Elena," stage whispered Damon. Loudly. Very loudly. So loudly in fact that neighboring tables looked over to see what the matter was.

"What is it Damon?" she asked warily, not wanting him to kill her biological father. Yet. Not in the crowded bar anyway.

"Is the minute over yet?"


	4. Chapter 4

Title : That's It !

Author : Nemainofthewater

Disclaimer : I don't own anything you recognise. It all belongs to the CW Network.

Spoilers for the episode 'Klaus'.

Stefan glared at the figure that he had pinned against the wall. He knew that he couldn't hurt Klaus without also hurting Alaric, but was it worth it? Yes he decided, it was.

Decision made, he threw Klaus to the floor and started to kick him repeatedly in the hope that he would be too sore to actually do anything, A.K.A go after Jenna, for at least the next few hours, and because it was actually quite therapeutic. Really. He should do it more regularly.

However, he felt horribly guilty about doing it to Alaric's body, so if anyone had been outside the kitchen they would have heard the following:

THUMP

"Sorry Alaric,"

THUMP

"Sorry Alaric,"

THUMP

"Sorry Alaric,"

Thankfully, nobody was.


	5. Chapter 5

Title : That's It !

Author : Nemainofthewater

Disclaimer : I don't own anything you recognise. It all belongs to the CW Network.

Spoilers for the episode 'Klaus'.

A/N: This was meant to be funny, but I'm not sure if it came out that way. Oh well, I guess, live and learn.

Stefan and Damon regarded each other warily, each waiting for the other to make their move so that they could rip him to shreds. They grabbed hold of each other, and were about to begin, when…

"STOP!"shouted Elena, Elijah following close behind.

The two brothers sprang back at once, looking like scolded puppies.

"I don't want you to fight over me." Said Elena sorrowfully.

"Damon, I'm sorry about Katherine, but you need to get over her! I mean, it's been 150 years!"

"145," said Damon.

" Exactly! You're even keeping count! There's a fine line between love and obsession, and Damon, you crossed it. I mean, the next girl that you actually confess to loving is the exact doppelganger of your ex! How's that moving on? And Stefan, you have the same problem as Damon! I mean, you can totally tell you're related to him! No, it's just too creepy. Sorry boys, but I've decided to go out with Elijah instead."

"Umm…" said Elijah, wondering whether to remind her that he'd loved Katherine as well. Nah, he was over her anyway.

Down on the floor, the two Salvatore brothers glared at the man who had replaced them.

"Truce?"

"Truce."

And they threw themselves towards Elijah.


	6. Chapter 6

Title : That's It !

Author : Nemainofthewater

Disclaimer : I don't own anything you recognise. It all belongs to the CW Network.

Spoilers for the episode 'The Last Day'

"So we're relying on a magical elixir that doesn't have an expiration date?" asked Damon incredulously.

"Wait a minute." He said, snatching the bottle out of Elijah's hands. He turned it around to look at the label on the back.

"This product is a Witch Product TM," he read," infringement will be dealt with harshly, usual method being destruction of brain. Side effects may include vomiting, allergies to sunlight, nausea and death. WARNING Do not drink after drink by date. If ingested after date, consult the neares witch IMMEDIATELY. See lid for expiration date."

Damon looked at the lid.

"Knew it." He snorted, throwing the bottle to Elena.

"Expiration date," she read "3rd of June 1708."


	7. Chapter 7

Title : That's It !

Author : Nemainofthewater

Disclaimer : I don't own anything you recognise. It all belongs to the CW Network.

Spoilers for the episode 'The Last Day'

"So you're a Vampire Slayer?" said Matt.

"Yes." Sighed Alaric.

"And you make your own weapons?"

"Yes."

"So, like verveine and stuff?"

"Yes."

"Alaric?"

"What!" the history teacher snapped, wondering if it was too late to ask Damon to compel the kid to forget all of this.

"Could I be your apprentice?"

Alaric shuddered, imagining all of the questions, the late nights, the headaches. He could almost see the mess that he would make of whittling the stakes.

"Absolutely not!" he yelled.


End file.
